Have you ever felt your very essence being questioned, your character under attack? It’s a storm no one wishes to endure.
This is a challenging letter for me to write – one I’ve gone back and forth with for a few days. I’m sharing this for two reasons – that it provides a moment of reprieve and perspective for you if you’re going through similar, and – even though I don’t owe anyone an explanation – to set the record straight.
Last week, I shared a simple thought: “If they’re not paying your bills, their opinion shouldn’t matter.” Easy to say, harder to live by when you’re in the eye of the storm yourself. I let the opinions of two people matter.
It’s been a week since I made the heart-wrenching decision to help my sweet Mary-Jane, my 15-year-old dog transition from this life to the next. Being her Kahu – a beautiful Hawaiian term for guardian and protector – for 13+ years has been an incredible gift and honour. But she was old, and her body was starting to fail her so, together with her vets, I made the impossible but necessary decision to help her transition to the other side.
In the midst of my mourning, I received scathing messages from two people who hadn’t been in the trenches with me. They claimed I showed her no mercy, painting me as heartless, alleging I deprived her previous owner of a chance to say goodbye – someone who’d chosen absence over presence when faced with such a heart-breaking task?
Messages claiming I showed her no mercy, that I withheld her from ‘her previous owner.’ and deprived ‘them’ of saying goodbye – the same person who made the decision to sever ties and not check in for the past 4 months, knowing full well that she didn’t have long left and who had full access to her vet results – who wasn’t there in her time of need – Someone who chose to not spend time with her, being the paranoid parent who had conversations with her vet, at nauseum, balancing love and quality of life.
As I sat at the vet’s office with my MJ, holding her close and focusing on her comfort, the last thing on my mind was appeasing someone who had chosen absence over presence.
Though all of this heartbreak I have had to seek legal council for defamation of character – the very essence of the work I do in my personal capacity and well as the animal welfare work I do to help pets in need.
The below realisations have helped me choose to walk away – to prioritise my peace and mental wellbeing over fighting a futile battle, recognizing some wars aren’t worth my soul.
Here’s what this journey through sorrow and accusation has taught me:
- Inner Resolve: We must stand by our decisions, even amidst the noise of misunderstanding and gaslighting.
- Allowance: We cannot force others to take responsibility for their actions or choices.
- Your Energy is Sacred: Don’t waste your life force on those absent in trials but quick in criticism.
- Guard Your Boundaries: Access to your life doesn’t equate to having rights over it, especially in times of vulnerability and grief.
- Guard Your Peace: In a world quick to judge, sometimes the bravest choice is choosing to protect your inner peace over engaging in futile battles.
- Recognise Gaslighting: Don’t take on the guilt and lack of accountability that others are projecting.
- Reject Blame and Shame: Don’t allow others to blame and shame you for their choices and narratives.
Even in sorrow, there’s gratitude to be found. While my heart aches for Mary Jane, I remember the countless years of joy she gifted me. She was my guardian as much as I was hers. She became my shadow, not letting me out of her sight, always curled up next to me.
Grief pushes us to the brink, yet it’s also a profound testament to the love we held. Let’s honour these stories, and if your path mirrors mine, know I am ready to listen.
In this spirit, I invite you to take ownership of your life. If you’ve let others dictate your path, choose now to act boldly and courageously. I’ll be facilitating a ‘VISION & LIFE CREATION’ workshop for anyone ready to transform their reality and live with more joy, ease, and freedom.
Rest in love and full health, my sweet angel.
Warmly, Petra
