When the Body Speaks Before the Mind Understands
Last week on WellBeing Wednesday on 919FM, Paul and I spoke about avoidance and how the small things we postpone quietly compound over time.
I wanted to take the conversation deeper this week because sometimes what we avoid emotionally doesn’t disappear – it shows up in the body and with so many of us experiencing discomfort and unease in our bodies, I thought it relevant.
After losing my mom to colon cancer at 23, something strange began happening to me. I would lose consciousness while driving and wake up moments later disoriented and terrified. Eventually, after a car accident and a series of medical tests, doctors diagnosed me with epilepsy.
For the next 23 years seizures became part of my life. BUT there was one decision I made early on that shaped how I navigated it.
I never said, “I am epileptic.” I said either, “I have epilepsy” or “I experience seizures.”
That distinction mattered more than I realised at the time.
The Power of Two Words
One of the most powerful quotes I share early on in my book, Living ON Purpose is this, “I am. Two of the most powerful words for what you put after them shapes your reality.”
“I am a mess.”
“I am useless.”
“I am (the diagnosis).”
“I am stressed / anxious / an idiot.”
The moment we fully identify with something, we close the door to other possibilities.
When something becomes who we are, rather than something we are experiencing, it can quietly define the limits of what we believe is possible.
The Body Remembers
Over time I began questioning the deeper connection between emotions, stress, and the nervous system.
Many people assume healing / ‘figuring ‘it’ out is purely cognitive. If we talk about the experience enough, understand it intellectually, analyse it thoroughly, we will move beyond it.
Talk therapy is incredibly valuable. Professional insight and perspective can be transformative. It’s part of the work I do after all BUT there’s something important too many overlook.
No amount of talking alone regulates a dysregulated nervous system.
Our bodies hold experiences differently than our minds do.
Trauma, grief, anger, and stress can settle into the body and stay there long after the event itself has passed.
And our bodies are remarkably polite. They whisper first.
…fatigue, tension, restlessness, overwhelm, disconnection or reactivity.
But when we continue to ignore those whispers, eventually our bodies finds louder ways to get our attention. They introduce mental ‘illness’, dis-ease, illness etc.
Fascinating studies by Trauma expert, Dr. Gabor Maté, show that approximately 80% of autoimmune cases occur in women. EIGHTY PERCENT!
Some factors that contribute to this are:
- Suppression of Anger: A major factor in the development of these diseases is the repression of healthy anger.
- Cultural & Emotional Factors: Women are often conditioned to be “people pleasers,” prioritizing others’ needs over their own. This creates chronic stress that can trigger autoimmune conditions.
- Trauma: Women experience higher rates of trauma, including sexual violence and neglect, which contributes to the development of these diseases.
- Biological Factors: While social factors are significant, hormonal differences and the presence of two X chromosomes (which can increase reactivity) also play a role.
Watch the conversation clip between Gabor and Mel Robbins’ here.
When Stories Become Identities
Many of the labels we carry began as something that happened to us but over time they become something we believe we are.
Anxiety is a good example. Many people have been diagnosed with anxiety or have self-identified as anxious but sometimes anxiety is not the root cause. Sometimes anxiety is what anger looks like when it has nowhere to go. Sometimes it’s what grief looks like when it hasn’t been expressed and sometimes it’s what stress looks like when the nervous system hasn’t had the opportunity to regulate.
The body doesn’t lie – but she/he does require us to listen.
Just One Thing
I’ll leave you with the same question I shared on our radio segment this week.
What is one story you can let go of?
The one that may have been true at one point in your life…but that you’ve solidified into your identity. The story that no longer brings ease.
Because sometimes the most powerful shift begins when we change what we place after two simple words.
“I am.”
